I shut my
eyes, desperate for escape, my mind then wanders; prey easy for a wounded,
wandering heart. My form immobile, my soul captive-audience to burdens of my
heart. Quickly It acts; swiftly snatching me from the four walls of my safe
sleeping-cell. My soul is seized from space and time, from the warm light of my
cell-tower, to the cold darkness of the grand palace in old Leningrad; set down
in the vast, crumbling foyer. Take a spin around: once grand, boarded windows
gloomily gaze upon my ragged uniform, having seen better days. Once proud, yet
still tall, Corinthian columns bask in disillusion, maintaining an air of its
former grandeur, while weeping white peeling plaster, and crumbling gold leaf.
The few chandeliers, pitted and broken in several segments, sway like bodies in
the wind. Then I hear the cords of my childhood; a slow, rickety music box renders,
"Once Upon a December", echoing through damp, decrepit halls.
Mesmerized, I begin to explore, my mind imprisoned within my body, speaking
only in tune:
Pangs of fear, strike within,
soul be slave to melody.
Forward on, my heart
pulls me
Despite the coming agony,
The open doors I come to see,
more Windows into my memory be
lost moments come again to see
To fade from my memory
nostalgia strikes, deep within
like broken shards of a mirror,
Walking, walking, walking, still,
To see, to pass, and remember,
The open doors I come to see,
merely Windows into memory be
lost moments come again to see
To fade from my memory
Onward, onward come to march
leaving moments to a sheltering dark
Butchered soon by time and space,
Never one to replace
Then I stop, by grand doors,
As the music fades within
My heart yearning,
I throw open the double doors, to be greeted by a blinding flash:
and all of who I care about
The grand
ballroom restored to its former glory: gold leaf and white plaster bathed in
the colors of dying autumn; a singular moment out of time, grand St. Petersburg
lives again. The marbled tiles ring with dance, each man in smart dress uniform.
All the women dance gracefully, in their finest dresses be. Clean of makeup,
but shining still; the life of this grand party; a gentle warmth to fill the
room. And I too, in fine robes dressed, dance and drink in this one last dance.
Then again, I'm frozen still, as couples dance and fade away. They make their
exit with a bow, their visage a friendly
gaze and grin. Then they dance into eternity, leaving me breathless, grasping
for the moment. Each friend I touch by the fingertips, before they fade into
the mist. The ballroom flickers from riches, to ruin, as the piano goes off
key. Till I am left with one fine miss, to kiss by the hand, as she too fades,
into the mists of memory.
Then I
again, in my rags be,
In the cold grasp of Leningrad
